Sunday, February 28, 2010

Last night we drove around Idaho Falls trying to get wedding stuff together and it's like little miracle huge setback little miracle huge setback and I'm full of speeches about faith and trust and optimism and I mean them, but sometimes I reach my limit.

The truth is, I've never been so scared in my entire life. I shake sometimes. I've never been so afraid that I've shaken before. This is definitely real life. 

However. I have never doubted marrying Scott in April for one second. I just don't know how it's all going to work out.

I believe that joy and peace and happiness beyond our wildest dreams is what our Heavenly Father intends for us in this life and that if we're obedient to his commandments-- these instructions for happiness-- that he's able to give us all that we desire. And I know he's anxious to do it. He is the most loving Soul. 

And I know that fear doesn't come from God. Fear will bring us down. Fear causes stress, causes health problems, causes fights, causes hurt. I refuse to let fear about money hurt my marriage before it's even started.

So, with all that in mind, I'm trying to draw on every experience I've had with money and divine intervention for comfort. I've been shown before that things will be okay.

This one experience really stands out:

I was on my mission. I'd been transferred to a new area. The previous month I hadn't been very smart with my allotted money and ended up in a situation with like two weeks left before we would get more and all I had was a box of instant cereal! It was my fault. I hadn't paid attention to my budget, I made stupid choices, and I completely expected to starve as a consequence. I refused to ask my new companion for help, again because it was my own fault. I would pray over my little amount of food, for once sincerely asking to be nourished and filled by it.  

We went to the grocery store our first day together. I thought that maybe I had a few dollars left in my account; maybe it was enough for a loaf of bread and a carton of eggs and I thought maybe I could make that last a while. We took our food to the checkout line and I was stressing out because I knew I'd probably only be able to pay for one thing, when suddenly this tiny figure darted toward us, said, "Here" in a thick and beautiful Hispanic accent, shoved something into my hand, and vanished. 

I looked down at a $50 gift certificate to the grocery store. I knew in that moment-- I felt it--that even though it was my own fault that I hadn't had any money for food, that the Lord would always take care of me. 

I remember another thing. Right before I went home from my mission I was so afraid. I didn't know what I would do about school, about money, about my family. I knelt to pray one night and began to cry and I told him how scared I was. First, this scripture from the Book of Mormon came into my mind:

"...and I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear" (Moroni 8:16).

And immediately after that, was this scripture:

"And no one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope, and charity, being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care" (Doctrine and Covenants 12:8).

So, okay. Maybe we don't exactly know how we're going to pay for everything. Maybe it seems miserably hopeless at times. So what. It comes down to this: we want it, we know it's right, we know God will take care of us.

Scott, by the way, is like an angel. No one knows all the things that he does; no one has seen all the dark and ugly parts of me, things I hate about myself. No one has seen these things and been so absolutely loving. I think this is the mindset that transcends someone into a mature love, into a ready-for-marriage love: one time he said to me, that even though things were hard and frustrating at times, that it was completely worth it to him, and always would be. It's a choice we've made. 

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If ye then, being [human], know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Time Scott Finally Met My Parents

Due to a variety of obstacles (all of which were monetary), Scott had not ever met my family.

Until last weekend.

We flew to Kansas City for a short few days. It was Scott's first time there. He was really excited.

He and my family totally hit it off. I mean come on, who doesn't love Scott?

The most pivotal moment, though, was when our cat Polgara (who doesn't like anyone besides my dad) and Scott had a total bonding moment. It was miraculous. (Ironically, he hates cats. Shh, don't tell my mom.)Everyone got along really great.

All in all, it was a successful weekend that we very dutifully remembered to capture on film.

Monday, February 8, 2010

miracle #forty-seven.

OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.  After an hour of small talk (and watching a rodent run around an apartment in a hamster ball) we finalized the reservation of an apartment in April (see picture below).

It's a cozy two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment.  If we're lucky, we'll even get to keep the hamster!  In actuality,  the tenants who are currently living there were gracious enough to offer us some furniture (nothing is for sure, but it looks like they won't be taking much of it with them).  We're very excited about it (see picture below).

We really feel like we've had our prayers answered and have still been blessed with much, much more.  Over the past month it's been a real struggle to find an apartment for only 4 months over the summer, and not only did we find one, but it may even come with a couch, entertainment center, coffee table, bookshelf, dining set, and bed!  For FREE!!  Again though, none of that is for sure, but we still feel like we have been very fortunate to gain so much in such a short amount of time.  The only thing that could have made this week better was the Colts winning the Superbowl.  We take what we can get though.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Getting Warmer...

67 days.

...well, more like 66 1/2

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Malevolent (I told Scott to pick a good adjective and he failed) Introduction

We are Scott and Siobhan. Well, more accurately, Siobhan and Scott because Scott is making me (Siobhan) write this. As if he doesn't have plenty to say that you're all dying to hear (I know I am). Maybe we can convince him to share his innermost thoughts eventually (or at least a weird dream or clever anecdote from his life as a professional fiance/call center wage slave).

We are getting married soon. By soon I mean in 68 days. We're trying to start to build a life together as practically and optimistically as possible. This mainly consists of acquiring stuff at miraculously low prices. I can't decide if I'm more thrilled by the $50 bed or the free couch. We've been very blessed and taken care of by loving Heavenly as well as earthly parents.

I like good stories. In fact, I love good stories. In fact, I need good stories. I told God on my mission that I really really really wanted a good "how we met" story.

Now, I have been seriously trying to get to know God for about four years and this is one of the things I have figured out about Him so far: He has a great sense of humor.

Did Scott and I anticipate finding true love while selling pest control in the Pacific northwest for a summer? Was there any other way of bringing a Kansan and a Tennessean who were, frankly, made for each other into the same general area of the country? Apparently not.

I don't know if Scott agrees with me on this one but I think that if we had both been a little more in-tune and a little less afraid, we would have gotten to this point months ago. Made-for-each-other. I asked Scott to help me brainstorm the reasons why. The conclusion: we are both weird, and in exactly the same weird way. And we love each other's weirdnesses and this has caused us to love our own weirdnesses and what's better than loving someone who helps you love yourself? I know there are no such things as soul mates, but Scott is my soul mate.

In conclusion, this is just the beginning in more ways that we can imagine. We hope to not be lazy in documenting it.

Siobhan (and Scott)